Opted for an early night sleep rather than tidying anything, but otherwise my day was good. I’m getting a little bored of my lunch so I think I’m gonna try something different next week (yup, I’m one of those boring ppl who has the same thing every day lol) any easy, compliant, make-ahead suggestions?
Wow I’m almost at the halfway point!! I can’t believe I’ve made it this far without giving up. One of my biggest goals in doing this challenge was to see if I could stick it out and so far I’d say I’m doing pretty well.
Yesterday was a hard day smoking-wise but I managed to get thru the whole day with only 4 cigarettes!!
I spent a lot of time thinking about Mike yesterday. Work was pretty slow for the first 2/3 of the day so I had lots of time to let my thoughts run away on me. Fortunately, towards the end of the day I got started on a new project, in a software I’ve been dying to switch over too, which was a welcome change, especially in that moment.
It’s not like I’m thinking about new things when it comes to him or anything, it’s just the same torturous and unproductive thoughts we all go through during a breakup. “Was there something I could’ve done to change things… I’ll never find someone who makes me as happy… I should’ve [insert ridiculous expectation here]… he’s probably not even thinking about me… I bet he’s with someone new already…” and on and on ALLLLLLL day. It’s so unhealthy lol and getting kind of boring, to be honest with you.
Smoking weed helps, but it’s not like I can (or want to) go thru my whole life stoned to get away from those thoughts. So instead, I’ve started meditative breathing, going on walks for lunch, and redirecting my thoughts. These do help, but I think with our breakup this fresh, the best thing I can do for myself is let myself experience these feelings and move thru the waves naturally, and being as genial on myself as I can be.
Another thing that doesn’t necessarily help with the downs, but I definitely think is a healthy practice during any down-time, is positive self-talk. So when I’m feeling more up, I tell myself how things really are, basically I let my head do the talking instead of my heart, and I let it talk lots and loud!
“… you tried your hardest, loved as honestly and openly as you could, and gave it every opportunity to succeed that you have in you… there are millions of other guys out there, and since your awesome (and always have found another, usually better, guy) you will met someone new when the time is right… you did the best with the information you were given at the time… he’s most likely feeling just as tortured as you are, and it’s very unlikely he’s with someone new already because a) he’s busy AF (part of why we broke up) and b) not on the prowl… you chose to end this relationship for your own reasons, which were all valid, not overly critical, realistic, and honest… you will get thru this, and keep moving forward…”
I really try to cancel out everything my heart says and then some. I read somewhere that it takes 2 positive thoughts for every 1 negative one to stay positive so I try to, at the very least, out-balance the negative thoughts.
Funny, as I was writing that our song came on my shuffle. It has so much less of an effect on me when my rethought a are coming from my head because I’m in a realistic space rather than a reminiscent space…
Anyways, that’s it for now. Time for work!
Perfectly Improving 